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Listen, it's too big a world to be in competition with everybody. The only person I'm out to beat is who I am right now. And in your case, that's tough enough. Now you've got it. Look out teeth, look out gums, look out liver, here she comes! I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son and he dresses a lot like my wife. Is that a nice thing to say?

Can't you do something? If you ever get the job, don't forget your old friends. He's over there: the one drinking with two hands. You promise? Wait! Put away your thinking caps, I got it. Imagine if you will the world's biggest salami.

I thought you went to see Sahara tonight. Try a little more soap. The subject of this meeting is... the Army. So far so good. I have been directed to address you on the possibility of making the Army your career. I hope you like this. Some of it was cooked before you were born. Am I all right? I can't feel anything in my legs.

I'll tell you later, sir. Captains, I've been adding up some numbers. B.J, I hate to interrupt you in mid-debauch, but I'd like a word with you. I think a party with a theme would be really cute. Don't I know your sister?

I always thought of it as That Man's army. Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is? The Army hates to see a man grin. Makes them think they've failed somehow. But moan and groan and carry on, they'll leave you to your lonesome; long as they know you're miserable, they're happy. You think RATS have been trying on my undies?