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Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg. What? Sidney, front and center. That only puts another dollar in the bank of permissiveness. You get her up on the table and I'll hold her hand.

I would operate in Braille if my fingers weren't frozen. Well, don't take it personally, Father. ...Close enough! What do you think the sentence is for firing an officer out of a Howitzer? Attention all personnel. Due to a lack of casualties, tonight's midnight movie will be shown at 9:00 AM. And midnight has been cancelled.

Evening Captains Heckle and Jekyll, I would have been here sooner but I stopped to watch the dancing in the streets. Frank Burns. Now, can we get on with this? I have some meaningless trivial business that is far more important. Well I don't blame her, Father, I think you're as cute as the dickens. My jeep had a nervous breakdown. Klinger, I want to see you out of that dress...tonight!

Sidney, what's the psychiatric basis for gambling? Doctor, can you give him a hand? What does this cure? Henry, the guy could have died!

Why? What's wrong? If my hands could talk, they'd scream. I'm raw from all the scrubbing. I don't believe what I'm hearing! Since when did you join the army? You men. You always worry about little things. By the way, I'm a doctor and I can tell you for certain that you're pregnant. And we know what causes that nowadays too.